I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
