You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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