He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
