I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You did what with his pubic hair?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
