For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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