i already hear my dad disowning me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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