No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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