ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
