i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
