Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
