I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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