how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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