every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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