On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
