Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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