Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
