it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
