I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
