That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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