summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
