I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My life is pants optional.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
