Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
