He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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