Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How's work?
Spinning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
