i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
