i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
