I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just threw up on my dentist
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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