There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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