you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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