Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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