There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
