I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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