If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
