i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
