haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
