I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
