My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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