Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
