OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
