He is an equal opportunity slut.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
