The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
