Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
