She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
