so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
