Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
