Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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