im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
