16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
