Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
