I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
